- “Our menu items have changed so please listen carefully…” – Do they really think I memorized their menus?
- “We are experiencing unusually high call volume” – … No. this happens to you all the time you just choose not to hire enough customer support people.
- “Your call is very important to us” – If my call was important to you I wouldn’t be on hold.
- “Please enter your account number followed by number sign” … So that we may process it and ask you for it again once you speak with a real person.
- “Our department doesn’t handle that you need to speak with” … Someone else who will transfer you over and over untill you give up.
- “Your call may be recorded for quality purposes.” … We’re recorded all of our calls but we still can’t figure out the quality problem.
- Endless music with no indication of wait time… Would it kill you to tell me the expected time remaining or the number of people in the call line in front of me?
- “You have pressed an invalid choice, goodbye.” … We don’t care about your business.
How about you, heard any phone menu mistakes lately?
How about, “ A representative will be with you shortly. A representative will be with you shortly A representative will be with you shortly….” The more you say it, the more I think they’re liars. And at least if they’re going try to entertain me with music, don’t keep interrupting it. Actually, as a work-around to atrocious customer service, I lay the receiver on the desk, listening for the faint sound of music stopping to cue me to pick it. These interruptions thwart it.
How about the mobile carriers’ 30-second long instructions at the beginning of everyone’s voicemail. Hello! It’s 2008! Are we still telling people how to use voicemail EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY LEAVE A VOICEMAIL?! How many thousands of airtime are wasted each day by those 30-second messages?
On a similar, yet reverse, note I was actually impressed when Cingular rolled out an option for “quick” menus when using voicemail menu systems. With that option was turned on, you got a different set of menu instructions when using voicemail. Instead of a full sentence, such as, “to repeat the message, press one” it would say, “repeat, press one.” And the person talking even spoke faster.
“…thousands of airtime…” Sheesh. I meant, “…thousands of minutes of airtime…”
Hahaha, so true, thanks for a laugh. At least next time I have to sit on hold with one of these things I might remember these comments and laugh about it.
One more… “For a dial by name directory, dial the name of the person…” If you don’t know if it’s Kathy with a K or Cathy with a C please hang up and try your call again.
I think it is funny when they ask you to enter a number with a fixed number of digits and still ask you to press # when you are done. Like, enter your 9 digit SSN and then press #. If it is 9 digits, you know when I have entered the last one so I shouldn’t need to press #.